If you've ever wanted to look pretty for Jesus, you've just lost your chance. Now you'll probably just have to stick to holy water and good works.
A retailer in Singapore has stopped selling its "Looking Good for Jesus" cosmetic line from its store, citing numerous complaints. Among the items these complainers (apparently more comfortable looking unkempt and makeup-free for Jesus) had issues with:
-- "Virtuous vanilla"-flavored lip balm
-- "Get Tight With Christ" hand and body cream
There are more jokes here somewhere, so feel free to list your own made-up product names. I am too afraid of lightning to do so.
[Surreptitiously reaching for "Last Supper" meal replacement bar.]
... the writers' strike is finally over. The Writers Guild of America just reported that its members voted today to end their devastating, three-month strike that brought the entertainment industry to a standstill and unleashed a new wave of brain-cell-numbing reality TV.
Why, Josiah, why? Why did you buckle on the biggest audition of your life? Sending the band away? My heart is sinking right now. "You lost a little bit of your charm on that performance," Simon said. ... Whew. The judges have hearts. Thank God. Now, NEVER MESS UP LIKE THAT AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME?
Irish gal Carly wore a mask around her dog because her allergies affected her voice. And it worked. Best version of Heart's "Alone" since Carrie Underwood did it a few years ago.
This Aussie import has some powerful pipes, but I'm afraid he tries to go a little too high. And what's with the backing band, not knowing the key changes for "Bohemian Rhapsody"? Wow, Simon said this was the "best audition of the day"? Hmmm. Was I hearing right?
Last day of auditions, last chance before the judges whittle it down to the top 24. Here we go.
David Archuleta has excellent control for a 16-year-old. Plus, he's adorable. He's like the male Jordin. Randy says it's the best he's heard yet. Damn!
Can't go wrong with a little "Amazing Grace," right? I recall some commenters loving Kristy Lee Cook, so she already had fans coming into Hollywood. She lives to sing another day.
Angela Martin just lost her dad (wow, another one?), but sadly didn't make it past this round.
And the male half of those crazy siblings from a few shows ago made it. Herca-lees! Herca-lees!
Can I tell you how much I hate that dude making a cellphone video for his "darling Teresa" who makes a heart shape over his chest and says "Ba-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM"? Yeah, he can go away forever.
... and she has a freakin' vocal coach. One that didn't even make it to the Season 4 finals. Let's see if she can right her serious vocal wrong from the first round. ... Girl, it's "love will LEAD you back," not "bring." You'reouttathere!
Idol blogger, ra-porting for duty! Gotta say that this show is SO much better when most of the people auditioning are actually good. But here we go with the hard part -- the cutting. DUN DUN DUN.
Oh, no, it was sad to watch Syesha, who dazzled us in earlier auditions, struggle to get through her song -- poor thing seems to have lost her voice. I hope she finds it before the end of Hollywood week!!
Politician wannabe Kyle - who auditioned here in Dallas -- was adorable! What a flirt ... sadly, his performance was pure musical theater. Get that guy a gig in a community theater production of Rent!!!
That montage of people who sailed through with Yes votes from the judges was full of lackluster talent, culminating in a blah performance by David Cook. At least Simon told it like it was - without that guitar, he'll be vulnerable. Oy, bring on the cheesy Bryan Adams song montage ...
Josiah rocks!! His bouncy, Beatles-esque tune was sprightly and delightful -- and even included the British accent!! Loved it -- and, most importantly, it incorporated the keyboard perfectly. He's at the upper end of my list of favorites ...
Despite working up the female auditioners into a romantic tizzy with his bad-ass romantic self, Ghaleb fell short in the singing department for me. His sexy speaking accent doesn't translate into hawtness when he sings ... too bad.
OK, I just now understood the new Idol rule -- if the judges give you a yes, you automatically head to the last day of auditions. It's a free pass! But if the judges say no, you have to try again in the second round. Got it! I'm slow on the uptake sometimes. But it's a great rule, I think!! I love the rock n roll nurse, though her perf is a bit much - will the judges like it, too??
Wow, and there go those bad examples ... too often, these pianos and guitars are overpowering weak voices and masking bad performances. Yikes! But this David guy was top-notch and good-looking -- the whole package! Hope he goes far ...
Good thing the auditioners get a second chance in the second round, cuz some of these howlers need it! One standout was Brooke White, who dazzled with her great piano skills and warm vocals -- she's the first example that allowing auditioners to play instruments in the LA round was a great idea, but I fear that some bad examples are on the way ...
Finally, we leave the crappy portion of the auditions for what Ryan Seacrest calls "a brand-new Hollywood week." I'll be the judge of that -- bring it!!
This is really disturbing.
A woman has decided to blog about the final 90 days of her life before she commits suicide. "This blog is not a cry for help or even to get attention. It's simply a public record of my last 90 days in existence," her profile reads. But it's getting a lot of attention, even from some national media.
Paris Hilton's The Hottie & the Nottiewas an absolute box office flop. To put it in perspective, the movie's $27,696 opening weekend gross was nearly four times less than The Game Plan, starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, made this weekend. Problem is: Game Plan came out 20 weeks ago and has been out on DVD for three weeks.
Into the Wild, which came out Sept. 21 of last year, also grossed double what Hottie made this weekend.
The movie averaged a paltry $249 per screen. If you figure it probably showed about a dozen times per screen over the weekend (with an average ticket price of $8), that means about three people went to each showing.
On the bright side, there must have been plenty of room to stretch out and take a nap.
Paris Hilton's 18-year-old younger brother, Barron Hilton, was arrested this morning on a charge of driving under the influence, reports people.com. "Who is Barron Hilton?" you may be asking. "And why should I care?"
Well, it seems to me that he's done as much to warrant fame and adoration as his big sis.
Performer and songwriter Mariah Carey has set April 15th as the in-store date for the most eagerly anticipated album of the year, E=MC². The 11th studio album of her career, E=MC² is the follow-up to The Emancipation Of Mimi, Mariah’s worldwide 10 million selling #1 album, which generated three Grammy awards (including Best Contemporary R&B Album), 2 #1 singles and countless more industry honors during its 18-month stay on the charts.
Hmm. Not sure what I think about this. It may be a little too cutesy for my taste. I mean, 'The Emancipation of Mimi' was annoying, but at least it meant something.
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